Gwen Stefani wants to kill me…

OK, maybe that’s a little harsh. But she certainly is stalking me.

Some background. A few years back, almost 4 years ago, it seemed that I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing something to do with Gwen. Not just No Doubt, but continuing into the release of her first solo album. Turn on the TV and they are using it as background music, or just the video itself. Go to a store and they’re playing it over the P.A. Get in my car and she’s on the radio(at this point there was still Drive/zone/X/etc 105FM. I would be in the Men’s Room, and the guy in the next stall over would have Hollaback Girl as the ringtone.

This all started to ebb when that evil maniac got knocked up by Gavin from Bush. But unfortunately, she’s back. For the last several months she has been making more and more appearances into my life. And the worst part is, I’M POWERLESS TO STOP HER!

I only listen to podcasts and cds, and public radio. No chance for Gwen there. I have not been to the mall in months, and it was darn close to a year before that. I don’t shop at Forever 21, Journeys, the Gap, Aeropostale, Hollister, or American Apparel(I don’t know for a fact that they play Her at these store, I just know “the kids” dig these places). Yet I cannot escape her, no matter how hard try. She still haunts me like the beating of the Tell-tale Heart.

I sometimes dream that I’m being chased through the streets of St. Paul, much like an old English fox hunt, but instead of baying hounds it’s giggling Kajagoogoo Girls. And riding atop a large elephant in one of those basket thingy’s is the evil Queen herself. She’s dressed like a cross between Queen Amidala and Tank Girl, and Gavin is standing behind her dressed like Ming the Merciless. They watch the hunt from atop the elephant, and laugh at my feeble attempts to escape.

And only this morning, at work, I found she had invaded even that sacrosanct venue. I surfed over to, and who was looking at me with malicious intent from the banner? Gwen Freaking Stefani!


~ by thecox on August 31, 2007.

One Response to “Gwen Stefani wants to kill me…”

  1. I’m amazed she’s lasted this long in the pop-culture consciousness. If you’d have told me in 1995 that the lead singer of No Doubt would still be around some 12 years later spreading her unique brand of evil I would have laughed in your face.

    I mean I’d have found it easier to believe that “The Single Guy” Jonathan Silverman would be a major Hollywood player in 2007 before the woman who sings “Spider Webs.”

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